Billionaires saying right woman was biggest reason of their success.
Confession: I’m not some guru who’s here to tell you how to pick up women.
But I do have a knack for simplifying complex things down to their essence.
And lo and behold, I bring you my quick guide to dating.
Who Is This For?
Practically this guide is for all singles, specifically those looking to find a partner and more specifically men looking for women since, by and large, men need much more help in this arena.
I didn’t always practice what I preach. For years I chased immature women so I could stay comfortable being who I was and doing what I wanted.
And it was awesome.
But I grew up by living through it, and eventually got to the point that I wanted a real relationship, mostly because I met Ambra. She made it easy.
We grow in two ways: relationships and experience. It wasn’t until much later that I realized if you never date someone more mature than you (and if your closest relationship is the biggest reflection of your growth), you’re never going to get more mature.
In other words you have to open to jumping before you’re ready.
When I was 23 I attempted to date a woman several years my senior (I failed), but before she walked out the door on our first date (literally), I remember trying to convince her that my biological age was secondary to my true age, which was a result of the experiences one has. Since I had many – traveling and living in the real world – I could somehow compensate for the gap in our age because I had lived more than someone who was older.
She left before I could finish my rant.
Good for her. I was really immature and she could see right through it. While she didn’t bite, the idea has some truth to it. Experiences make you grow.
Men struggle with settling down. I received the best advice from Steve, a friend of mine who’s been happily married (a term I don’t use lightly) for 15 years with 2 children.
‘I found the right woman…. How do I know I’m ready?’
‘When you’re ready to give ‘it’ up.’
It takes different amount of times for different men, and it means different things to all of us but my truth is, most can’t age their way through it, they must experience.
A bit of frivolity may be prudent, but mainly it’s doing the things on the bucket list early, when one has no responsibility, lots of freedom and room to be selfish.
For some it’s playing the dating game.
For others it’s that dream trip around the world.
For me it was living my dream as a poker player. And no woman could “get in the way” of that.
Until I met Ambra. And I realized that if it’s the right person that “comes in the way”, then you might get there even faster.
It was only with her by my side that I reached the apex of my career, crushed the biggest games, made “the road” our permanent home, and chose freedom as the true foundation our lifestyle. Nobody can tie us down.
I was lucky to find a diamond in the rough, as wild and crazy as me.
In honor of the fact I have just been to my 10 Year High School Reunion, I’m writing a post about the 3 things I’d tell my 18-year-old self about relationships.
Caveat: at 18 I wasn’t ready for any sort of serious dating, but if I was, here’s what I’d say.
1. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Have you ever been apartment or house hunting?
It’s an exciting process. The realtor walks you through the front door and for a moment, there’s that element of mystery: am I going to fall in love?
It doesn’t take long to find your answer. Maybe you like the home, maybe you don’t. You may even spend some time analyzing its pros and cons – the kitchen’s big and you love the outdoor space, but there’s not enough light and it’s too noisy.
That’s all noise that distracts you from the only thing which actually matters: would you buy it?
If the answer is ‘no’ then everything else is irrelevant. And you don’t have to write a list or create a formula to figure it out. You just know.
Anyone that’s still single is a living testament to how dauntingly hard it is to find a partner.
Compromising isn’t the answer, don’t waste time renting a house you know you don’t want to call home.
2. LISTEN WHEN SHE SPEAKS
I could have saved myself two years of heartache with a woman whom I knew I didn’t have a future with.
By listening when she spoke. It’s a novel concept. Men, you should try it.
How could I have known right away she wanted 4 kids? She fucking told me.
But I didn’t listen, perhaps because I didn’t want to hear. I don’t even know what the hell I told myself – I’ll just change her mind, maybe she’s just saying that, she’ll be happy with 2 – nothing makes sense.
I wasn’t good at listening (I’m still not – ask Ambra), but at least I’m aware now that when women talk, they mean what they say. And as much as men think the opposite sex is crazy, most of them, when it comes to the important things, like having kids and a family, they’re on point.
And they make it clear right away.
3. PICK 3 THINGS
Just like the perfect house doesn’t exist; neither does the perfect partner (the humility comes when you realize that you’re not the perfect partner either).
I once had a friend leave a girl because ‘I don’t know, her chin was funny.’
Needless to say, he’s still single.
Stop looking for the perfect partner and pick your 3 things.
Good news, Ambra had about 10. Easy game.
A word on picking partners. If a girl puts up with your shit she’s not the right one for you. If you’re not challenged, annoyed or threatened at times, you have the wrong girl.
Dating the wrong person doesn’t mean your partner is bad or evil, it just means you may not be compatible.
It’s not good nor bad, but right which counts.
If you think you found perfection when you found the pushover who lets you do ‘whatever you want’ then you’re ego is in charge, not you.
If you can’t look at yourself and admit you’re wrong, you’ll never grow. And if you try to marry the girl who thinks you are perfect, you’ll be an asshole your whole life.
And it was my dad who gave me the best piece of advice I ever received.
The most important decision you make in your life is whom you’re going to marry.
Don’t fuck it up.